07

I never thought that depression may be caused by unreasonable situations, that it can arise easily, like a smoke from a heated pot or kettle. That people can feel loneliness even though they have companions.

Sometimes I am curious on how will these people react once they found out I'm gone, that I vanished or attempted to end my life. What will their reactions be when I did something reckless that it will cost my life.

Sometimes, after thinking about suicide, I will feel scared that I will run into my room or close my eyes to pray like there's no tomorrow, to ask for forgiveness and repent because even just for a fraction of second, I thought about killing myself. Then, I will feel like I'm a weakling, a coward, because I can't accept that my life has flaws, flaws that can never be erased, then my mind will shift once again, and then I will fill myself with life-ending thoughts to prove that I can do anything, that I can leave this world.


Then Bang!

 ~ "Do not do it"

4 words, 4 simple words and...
I am temporarily removed from the world of longing, from the asylum of loneliness and I am thrown back to the present world I should be living in.

There are a number of lots and buts, that's my life, full of doubts.

My overflowing doubts are filling my life because I am living in a society where I have to prove myself to everyone. Every second, I am living to please someone.

 I hope I can go to a place which tolerates eccentricity to the point of doubtful insanity.